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Category: American Life
America’s 25 Year Long Party Is Over
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Derby: A Unique Montana Tradition
Derby is special because of the eclectic group of participants. Some players openly smoke dope, while other participants are deputy sheriffs who pretend not to notice.
By: George Noga – July 25, 2016
During summer I lighten up my blog with anecdotes about my summer home in Whitefish, Montana. Whitefish is sited in the Flathead Valley of NW Montana only 50 miles south of Canada and 100 miles east of the upper panhandle of Idaho. I belong to the Whitefish Lake Golf Club that has a half-century tradition called Derby, which is open to anyone; I have been playing Derby for the past seven or eight summers.
Each Thursday at high noon, anywhere from 15 to 27 golfers are divided into three man scramble teams made as equal as possible by the commissioner, the member in charge of Derby. The commissioner is chosen to maintain the Derby tradition and serves for life. The teams compete with only modest stakes of one dollar per person per hole. This could happen at almost any golf club in the USA, you may be thinking.
Your thinking would be wrong; Derby is unique. For starters, all 15 to 27 golfers play as one group and manage to play 18 holes in about 4.5 hours – an average time for the course. Usually three people hit simultaneously; it is a miracle no one has been injured. Imagine the scene with 27 golfers and 15 golf carts barrelling down a fairway toward an unsuspecting foursome of visiting Canadians. Note: I spent several summers playing in Derby before I learned that drunken Canadian was two words.
What makes Derby special is the eclectic combination of participants. Players range in age from 18 to over 80. Some earn minimum wage; others are multi millionaires. Some are scratch golfers; others are high handicappers. Some lack higher education; others are professionals with doctorate degrees. There are Americans, Canadians and Native Americans. Many are Montanans; others like me hail from throughout the USA.
Some players openly smoke dope while other participants are deputy sheriffs who pretend not to notice. Other players imbibe liberally from adult beverages in ubiquitous coolers in many golf carts. Some do both. There is a cohort of Mormon participants that conveniently ignores strictures against drinking and gambling. Some players have Derby nicknames too ribald to include herein. The repartee is incessant and priceless.
Everyone clearly revels in the camaraderie despite what, on the surface, appear to be wide chasms among the various cohorts: young and old, rich and poor, accomplished golfers and duffers, dishwashers and attorneys, dropouts and PhDs, potheads and law enforcement officers and Mormons coexisting with gambling, drugs and alcohol.
Two factors combine to make Derby an enduring tradition: (1) shared love of golf; and (2) Montana. Derby probably wouldn’t work outside Montana as there clearly is something very special in the air up here. If you golf and visit NW Montana, consider playing in Derby; you will understand why there is nothing quite like it anywhere.
But if you should visit the Treasure State, please don’t stay too long; Montanans are fond of their bumper stickers reading: Welcome to Montana – Now Go Home. Recently, the population of Montana surpassed one million for the first time and the news was greeted universally throughout the state with great sorrow, gloom and melancholy.
The next MLLG post from Montana will be distributed in about a week.
The Infantilization of America
It is illegal to blow up a balloon before age 14 in certain blue states; meanwhile in Montana, kids 8 years old routinely ride bulls in rodeos; if these kids were to move from Montana to Illinois, they must wait 6 more years to legally inflate a balloon.
By: George Noga – July14, 2016
A nanny state is being imposed by progressives who believe they know better what is good for us; they began by infantilizing children but are bent on infantilizing all Americans. Age 16 has become the new age 10. Following is a small sample of nanny state regulations promulgated by the federal government and by certain blue states.
- Amtrak will not accept unaccompanied minors under 13. Ages 13-15 can travel alone only by complying with rigorous preconditions. In effect, no one under 16 can travel alone. In Japan, 8 year olds frequently travel unaccompanied.
- Children under 14 cannot be left at home without babysitters or legally blow up a balloon in some blue states.
- OSHA bans see-saws, monkey bars and merry-go-rounds in playgrounds; all tree limbs lower than 8 feet above ground must be sawed off to prevent climbing.
- Children are not allowed to walk to school in some places. One mother was charged with neglect when her children walked after missing the bus. Another mom was arrested for allowing her 9 year old to walk 1/4 mile to a McDonald’s.
These strictures do not constitute mere advice or suggestions on the part of government nor are they attempts to reason or to persuade. They bear the full force of law. Miscreants and scofflaws are subject to the government’s monopoly on the legalized use of force. SWAT teams can and do take children from parents and subject them to the full panoply of horrors common to state agencies.
Amidst all this infantilizing, it is comforting to know parts of the real America still exist. One such place is our summer home of Montana. During summers there is a weekly rodeo near the small town where we stay and a regular event is youth bull riding. Kids as young as 8 ride bulls; to be sure, the bulls are young with their horns cut back and the kids wear helmets. Still, the 500 pound bulls are undomesticated.
At the same rodeo it is common to see teenagers with serious hunting knives (think: Crocodile Dundee) strapped openly to their waists. Imagine the same sight at a blue state junior high school football game. Within an instant panic would set in; heavily armed SWAT teams would fast rope in; and the stadium would be evacuated.
In Montana a youth can get a hunting license at age 11 – and the first one is free. Youth deer hunting season is the Thursday and Friday preceding the opening of regular hunting season in October. So many youths go hunting that all schools in Montana have been forced to close during the two days of youth hunting season.
Infantilization of children is child abuse. Emotional development of victims is hobbled; they are at increased risk of self harm; and they have academic problems and poor social skills. They are averse to responsibility and often fail as adults. Children are but the first victims; it is the aim of progressives to infantilize all Americans and to turn America into a nanny state with government as the nanny and all of us as children. As with all liberal doctrines promising benefits, the end result always is grave harm.
I’m not sure I would want my eight year old to ride a bull or my eleven year old to go deer hunting. I am absolutely certain however that I prefer to live in a place like Montana that leaves such decisions up to parents rather than to the state.
The next post in about 10 days describes a zany Montana golf tradition – Derby!
Reflections: Yesterday Versus Today-Has America Become a Pusillanimous Nation?
By: George Noga – May 1, 2014
Many decades ago it was commonplace for us kids (with parents’ consent) to run behind mosquito foggers spraying DDT to inhale the aromatic fumes – same when dispensing gasoline. We ate raw hamburger, rode bicycles and motor scooters without helmets, played baseball sans helmets and with real spikes. There were no warning labels on anything. We owned BB guns, pellet guns and .22 rifles and carried them everywhere day and night in residential neighborhoods. Both boys and girls hitchhiked day and night; there were no seat belts, shoulder harnesses or airbags.
We walked miles to school in first grade without crossing guards; we were not afraid of strangers. We kept score in all games and only winners received awards. There was only one valedictorian. There were no safety caps and we eagerly consumed candy cigarettes. Homes and cars rarely were locked. Only one kid of the hundreds I knew at school, baseball and scouting was overweight. We played tackle football without protection. We were not shielded from adversity and were expected to overcome it by our own devices. We were paid to babysit as early as age 11.
We operated circular saws, jigsaws and planers without supervision or goggles. Halloween was entirely on our own including entering strangers’ houses. We were left to ourselves all day and evening to roam a wide area without parental supervision or knowledge of our whereabouts. We solved all our own problems – sometimes by fighting. I had a paper route at age 12. The papers were delivered at 4:00 AM when I got myself out of bed and they had to be delivered before 6:00 AM. Inevitably there were many times when it would rain, sleet, snow and be bitter cold. My parents never once offered to drive me and asking them to do so never crossed my mind.
In sixth grade, a classmate’s (Jimmy) father was killed in a plane crash. When Jimmy returned to school all of us were uncomfortable as no one knew how to act. No teacher or anyone else told us how to respond or what to say; that misanthropic creation, grief counselors, thankfully did not yet exist. Nevertheless, we all knew intuitively that saying nothing was inappropriate and not an option. I did the best I could however lame it may have been.
Today in America
There is a war on childhood in America; age 10 is the new age 2. Many school districts don’t permit children to get off a school bus unless there is a guardian waiting to walk them home – even if home is a few blocks away. Libraries don’t allow children under 12 to be unaccompanied. Parents are advised not to let children under 14 blow up a balloon. Parks and schools everywhere have removed see-saws, merry-go-rounds and monkey bars. Day care centers have been ordered by OSHA to saw off tree branches below 8 feet to prevent kids climbing trees.
Recently Amtrak raised the age for travel by unaccompanied minors from 8 to 13; moreover, kids ages 13-15 cannot travel unaccompanied unless they meet a lengthy list of restrictive conditions. In reality, travelling alone is not feasible until age 16. Before Amtrak’s policy change, kids 8 could travel unaccompanied and a 15 year old could serve as a guardian for even younger kids. Now, the 15 year old cannot even travel alone. Meanwhile in Japan, eight year olds travel unaccompanied without restriction all the time and without incident.
Recently a school bus had an emergency evacuation because the driver saw one peanut on the floor. No one on the bus was known to have a peanut allergy. Peanuts are disappearing from many ballparks and elsewhere. Schools now provide grief counselors for the death of a pet. It is becoming common for schools to have multiple (up to 70) valedictorians – to avoid hurt feelings. Need I mention grade inflation? Even nursery schools now routinely have graduation ceremonies replete with caps and gowns. Our national pusillanimity extends to pets. Some animal shelters won’t permit dog adoptions unless the owners have a fenced in yard and pledge to accompany the dog whenever outside the yard. There was time in America when dogs guarded people, not the other way around.
The marketplace now caters to parental fears by selling leashes for kids and alarms that sound if the kid wanders 10 feet away. New GPS devices for kids are coming on the market. One company sells a “Piggyback Rider“, a backpack for kids up to age 7 and 60 pounds – nearly old enough to ride a train in Japan. Laws about babysitting have changed. In Illinois a child under 14 requires a babysitter, while the minimum age for babysitting escalates. In kindergarten 20% of kids are obese and adult diabetes appears as young as age 3. Many parents instruct schools not to allow their children outdoor play; they are to be kept indoors to read a book instead. The Consumer Product Safety Commission decided to rid all US houses of that terror – window blinds with cords – because of a handful of accidents annually. Next time you see a new window blind, read the safety label; you won’t believe what you see.
Inevitably, this pusillanimity affects our policies and actions as a nation. Could this be why we have become appeasers in Crimea, Ukraine, Syria, Iran and North Korea? Appeasement is the sickness of the will of successful people. Has the thirst for prosperity, material well being, comfort and, above all – safety at any price – led to passivity, caution and retreat? The price of cowardice is always more evil. Perhaps this is to be expected from a nation whose president has stated: “If I had a son, I’d have to think long and hard before I’d let him play football.“
More Montana Moments
By: George Noga – September 24, 2013
I didn’t see it coming. My lighthearted September 10 posting, Montana Moments, drew an exceptional number of favorable comments from readers – enough to elicit a sequel. I love northwest Montana and probably would move there if I were younger. Make no mistake, however; things there are different. Just how different are they?
Recently in Florida I saw a small boy riding a tricycle in his yard with his parents hovering nearby. Even though his head couldn’t have been more than a few feet off the ground and it is hard to fall from a tricycle, he was wearing a helmet. This is not something you would see in Montana where young boys wearing helmets often means they are riding 500 pound bulls.
“In Montana eight (8) year old boys ride 500 pound bulls.”
Every Thursday during the summer there is a rodeo behind the Blue Moon roadhouse in Columbia Falls, Montana. In a typical week, up to ten boys as young as eight (8) compete in bull riding. I once was seated next to a woman who volunteered she was nervous because her son, who just turned 8, was riding a bull for the first time. There are precautions: the bulls are younger, the tips of their horns are cut back and the boys wear helmets. Nevertheless, ample danger remains from a contest pitting a 50 pound boy against a cantankerous 500 pound bull.
Nor is it uncommon at these rodeos to see young kids with Crocodile Dundee type hunting knives sheathed and strapped to their belts and freely mingling with the 1,000 to 2,000 folks normally in attendance. Imagine for a moment the utter consternation that would ensue if a few kids turned up at a Florida junior high school football game wearing similar knives.
“Toy guns are not necessary in Montana; kids get real guns.”
Let’s progress from knives to guns. Throughout much of the USA (especially in blue states) it is impossible to find a toy gun in a store. In Montana toy guns are not necessary as kids age 6 and even younger get real guns, and just not BB guns or pellet guns. This is not vastly different than the norms when I was growing up. All of us boys had BB guns by age 6, pellet guns by age 10 and .22 rifles by age 13. In the Orlando of the 1950s and 1960s no one considered it threatening to see 12-14 year old boys walking around residential subdivisions with .22 rifles.
An 11 year old can obtain a Montana hunting license and a youth’s first hunting license is free. Montana has special hunting seasons set aside strictly for youth ages 11-15. Youth deer hunting season is coming up October 17-18. In past years the two days of youth deer hunting season (always the Thursday and Friday before the regular deer season opens on Saturday) were so popular that few students attended school. Recently the state of Montana recognized this and now there is no school held during youth deer hunting season. For comparison, I checked on youth hunting in Florida. Generally and with only a few exceptions youth starts at age 16.
Ultimately it comes to this. Would you like to live and raise a family where people are comfortable with 6 year olds having guns, 8 year olds riding bulls, kids wearing hunting knives at public events and 11 year olds hunting elk? Or, would you rather live where parents force tykes to wear helmets while riding tricycles in their yard? I may not have chosen for my son to ride a bull at age 8 but I would like to live where parents are free to make those choices.
Montana Moments: Vignettes From the Treasure State
By: George Noga – September 10, 2013
We just returned from our eighth summer in Whitefish, Montana (population 6,400) and I wanted to share some of my favorite Montana moments. Life in Montana is quite different (in both a positive and refreshing way) from that to which we have become accustomed in Central Florida. In many ways it is reminiscent of life in America as I remember it growing up in the 1950s. However, the first thing that impresses you about Montana – other than the ubiquitous Ron Paul signs – is its size.
A friend who knows we summer in Whitefish told me he bought a ranch east of Billings whereupon I promply interjected that we would have to get together over the summer. He retorted that it would be a 500 mile drive. Driving Montana east to west is over 700 miles and takes 12+ hours. I made the mistake visiting Europeans often make; they are used to a European scale. If they are in Glacier National Park (near Whitefish) they look at a map and conclude they can drive to Chicago the next day – actually it is 1,600 miles and over 24 hours of driving.
During our first summer in Whitefish we were unable to find national newspapers like The Wall Street Journal or USA Today. One day we drove by a large general store and I asked my wife to run in to see if they carried any of the aforementioned papers. She asked the perky 16 year old young lady who waited on her if the store had USA Today. The teenage girl pondered the question for a few moments and replied: “We don’t consider ourselves part of the USA.”
“There is no crying in Montana.”
Nearby Kalispell, a larger town of 20,000 souls, has its quota of big box stores – the kind that has alarms that go off should customers leave without having the anti-shoplifting tags removed. The alarms go off frequently and the explanation is nearly always the same. The customers are packing heat and simply forgot to leave their guns in the car.
Once I was about to begin a round of golf with a group of my golf buddies (all from Montana) when the starter unexpectedly permitted a group of women to go ahead of us even though they did not have a tee time. When questioned about this by one of our group, the starter replied that one of the women had cried and he felt sorry for her. One of my Montana friends promptly asserted: “There is no crying in golf“. The words were scarcely out of his mouth when the other two Montanans exclaimed in unision: “There is no crying in Montana“!
“Welcome to Montana – Now go home.”
Perhaps our favorite Montana moment is the local police blotter which is published faithfully and in its entirety by the local paper. Following is a selection of entries from just one week.
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A man reported his rabbit ran away and has yet to return.
- A lethargic alpaca was reported to be without food; the animal warden found him healthy.
- A man was seen yelling and waving a shovel as he rode his bicycle.
- Someone reported a suspicious person in a store; it turned out to be an employee.
- A man claimed his brother stole his gun; he later found it under his blanket.
- An angry man claimed that when he attempted to grab a dollar bill from the ground, it was jerked away by a boy who had attached it to his fishing pole.
Perhaps you now can better understand the many charms of Montana and why most locals fervently seek to discourage others from moving here. They want to put up signs at all the state borders that read: Welcome to Montana – Now go home.
Travels in Blue States
By: George Noga – July 22, 2013
Recently my wife and I took a vacation, driving from our home outside Orlando to Cape Cod and then back to the Washington, DC area from whence we took the auto train. We have driven extensively throughout the USA but not for decades in the deep dark blue northeastern states. Everything was copasetic while we drove from Florida through Virginia. Once we hit the blue states however, we began noticing abominations inflicted on motorists by government. Quickly sensing a pattern and understanding that these were not random atrocities, we began to make a list; this posting is the result.
“There was a pattern; these were not random acts of malevolence.”
The most ubiquitious outrage was the doubling of fines for any reason and often for no apparent reason at all. In Florida speeding fines are doubled only when workers are present. Not so in blue states. All violations (not just speeding) are doubled whether or not workers are present – presumably even for non moving violations such as an expired tag. We encountered all the following signs. (1) “Intense enforcement zone – all fines doubled”; (2) “License suspended for two work area violations“; and (3) “Fines doubled when speed limit is 65 for speeding and other violations“. Fines were doubled for perhaps most of the miles we drove in blue states.
The second most common ignominy pertained to rest stops, or the lack thereof – a matter of particular relevance to this septuagenarian. Blue state rest areas are few and far between and many (perhaps most) lack facilities. In Connecticut they (laudably) were renovating the rest areas; however, they closed consecutive ones instead of spacing them out. The real horror of the lack of public rest stops was having to exit the interstates to find commercial rest stops. This could require 30 minutes to get off and back on. Have I mentioned that blue state hospitality includes refusing rest rooms to those who don’t buy gas? Some blue states have designated certain rest areas only for vehicles over 5,000 pounds; I still haven’t figured that one out.
Following are some of my other favorite blue state degradations.
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You are forbidden to pump your own gas in New Jersey, Delaware and Oregon allegedly to create employment and for “safety“. I guess the other 47 states are dangerous.
- In some places signs read “Up to $10,000 fine for littering“. Yes, folks, you read it right.
- In many places there are street signs only for cross streets; good thing I had GPS.
- There is a police presence in most work areas even for mowing alongside the highway.
- In MA we encountered a 3-mile line behind a street sweeper, which (you guessed it) was escorted by a police cruiser. They were totally oblivious to the horror they had created.
- Lanes were blocked off at rush hour for no apparent reason creating monstrous jams.
- Exits are not numbered by mileage as in the rest of America.
- Interstate 95 is a toll road in New Jersey.
- There were numerous places where there was only 200 feet for double merges, i.e. for cars simultaneously entering and exiting limited access roads. This is uber dangerous.
So, why this jeremiad about asinine blue state highway rules and practices? Granted, this subject is not on a par with the debt crisis or even documenting the similiarities between Barack Obama and King George III as in the last post. My reasons are straightforward.
“Government is a malevolent force in all matters both big and small.”
This post illustrates the profound differences between red states and blue states even in relatively minor matters such as traffic rules. Second, it shows governments in blue states have run amok and are insensitive (one might say, hostile) to the comfort, safety and convenience of citizens. Finally, it proves yet again that government is fundamentally a malevolant force in all matters both big and small. The bigger the government, the more malevolent it becomes.